~My VoiCE tO ShARe~

前几天在msn的部落格写下了“感情会让人变得更自私吗？“，
所写的一切却被朋友留下了我难以接收的言语...
她说我在文字里所提到的“他”很熟悉，
我就知道，
她一定是心里以为我只的那个“他”，
是她目前的男朋友，
也是我曾经一度对他很在乎的“干哥”...

她每次都说，
叫我不要用自己的眼光看世界...
但我部落格所写的都是我的感言而已啊，
有必要说成好象我很看不开似的嘛...

不懂要怎么说...
只觉得，
自从他和她走在一起之后，
我真的被冷落下来...
原因很明显，
就因为她...

我两曾经是很要好的朋友，
就因为一件小小的事情,
和她闹了起来...
谁对谁错我已不再追究，
只觉得有些不甘心...

为何“哥”当初会因为她,
而说我利用朋友...
为何因为她的不开心,
而对我抛下冷言冷语...
多狠心的话我都可以接收，
最痛心的，
就是当我再次对他说，
不要再有任何的兄妹关系，
他竟然连一句挽留的话也没有...

说真心的，
事到如今，
事情已经过了几个月，
我还是放不下心中的那一块大石...
曾经是同班六年的同学，
也是他最疼爱的小妹，
却比不上一个她...
就因为她...
而放弃了我这个小妹...

算了吧...
过了就过了，
不再想了...

只觉得，
每当在部落格留言时，
看到文字的她，
总会对我的言语有辩言...
究竟是我想太多，
还是她太多心了呢...？？

也许说的没错，
友谊就像一道玻璃墙，
可以很坚很牢...
一旦破碎了，
即使用胶水弥补，
裂痕还是存在的...

个人有个人的想法，
只要认为对得起自己，
无论什么事情，
做回原来的自己最重要，
不需要因别人而特地去改变什么...

已经有一段很长的时候没有跟他谈心了...
心中有些想他...
很多时候,
真的很希望有他能够陪在身边...
说说废话、听听他的甜言蜜语...

功课忙碌的时候，
听他说些鼓励的话，
不要给自己太大压力...
简单的一句问候，
都能让疲惫的心情增添不少精力...

喜欢以往偶尔吵吵架、斗斗嘴的甜蜜...
喜欢他在大众面前喊我的名字...
偶尔的一个微笑，
都能让人觉得窝心...

一切都过去了...
如今只能回忆...
不再渴望以前的他会回来...
不再渴望以前的甜蜜会重现眼前...

只希望我依然深爱的他，
能够好好照顾自己,
不要因工作忙碌而忘了休息...

以往有我时时提醒...
但现在可不一样了...
你有你的工作忙，
我有我的学业压力...
没有你在身边,
真的有些不习惯...

不习惯你的不言不语，
不习惯你不笑的面容...
很想问你，
能够答应我一次，
做回以前的自己，好吗？？

A lab test was given to us today...
just finished two hours ago...
Suddenly feel like get cheated by the lecturer...
'coz everything given as a scope was not in the questions...
Exactly the same as what I thought -- it could be the easiest & also may be the most difficult.

Disappointed...
Why do the lecturer always like to give us surprise?
Maybe she thought she's helping us to work on ourselves,
that's what I almost do in my life -- not relying on others...
but she did give us the scope, why don't she just focus on it?
Some more chose the topics she never tells...
So sad...she broke my crystal heart...

Well...I won't rely on them anymore.
Just be myself, and do what I want.
That's the only way I can achieve my goal,
not given any change for anyone to disappoint me again...

Work on your own,
as you are the only one who can be trusted.
Gambateh!!

Do not know what is happening with me...
Feel tired these few days after came back from the college...
Not because of anything,
just lack of sleep busy with the assignments, quizzes, tests...
and the most important to me -- the coming final semester exam...

Start my lectures from 10am in the morning,
till 8pm in the night most of the days...
Tests and quizzes are given in every lectures...
Nothing can be decided to do as I finished the lectures...
except sleep & rest ...

I usually skip my dinner and use the time to sleep...
Thought to sleep at around 10pm and...
wake up at the time between 12-3am for my revision...
but most of the time,
I can't even open my eyes even though I force myself to do so...
Hai... Why am I so tired...?
I think my brains need to rest for some time...

Hopefully everything will be fine soon...
Final is coming...
All the best!!
May God Bless Everyone~

为什么我的命运这么坎坷？
到底我犯了些什么错...？
打从我说将要离开的那一刻起,
一波又一波的烦恼都在不断的缠绕着我,
我真的觉得很难过...
心情很复杂...

打从两个月前开始，
这个家就一直有房位空着，
害得我们全家都得自己掏腰包，
平分补贴剩余的房租...
数目看来不大，
但对一个完全没有家私的房子来说，
恐怕租金真的是贵了一点...

很烦...
在这住不够一年，
说要两个月后搬家，
抵押金可能要被毁了...
老爸说，
试问是否能从抵押金扣除我两个月的房租，
结果得到的答案是不可能...

学姐说，
住不够一年，
房租是肯定拿不回了，
除非找到人取代我的位置，
那可能还有一线希望...

但老爸却说，
只要家里一天找不到人，
就不要把房租交出去...

天啊...!!!
那我该怎么办？
这里要听老爸的，
那里又要面对学姐，
到底要我怎么做才好啊...?

慢慢的泪水挤在心头，
有苦没人可以哭诉...
很辛苦...
真的很辛苦...

我已经无法再承受这种心灵上的压抑了...
为什么每次一提到钱，
问题一定会越搞越复杂呢？
要我怎么做才好呢...??

Already a few days I never talk to my housemates, the serious one, my room-mate.
I dunno what's happening between us. Just felt that we never talk much nowadays.
Everytime when she's back from the college, I try to greet n talk to her but she seems doesn't want to talk much. Then, I just keep quite all the time. The circumstance is also the same with my other housemates. Am I thinking too much as I'm a pessimism person? I hope it's not the same as what I thought.

I know I'm going to leave here but I hope everything will be going on as normal as usual. The way they whisperring and closing the door in their room makes me feel sad. This is not what I want to see since I'm going to leave here, some of them dunno about this yet. I hope everyone will be happy like before I moved in here.

Ya, I admit that sometimes I really overthought about something, but this is what really I'm doing all the time. Everyone should know this, especially my friends. Although I know maybe something is going to happen but I'll not bother bout it too much as I'm not a busybody.

Friends are freinds. Please tell me whatever you can. Don't leave me behind. It makes me feel very very scare...

Feel extremely stressful today after coming back from Communication Skill. Dunno why the feeling comes suddenly, and it makes me very suffer. I'm trying to relax myself but still never get better. What should I do? Introduction to Pharmacy, English Language Awareness, Communication Skill, Mirobiology, Anatomy, Biochemistry...
facing a lot of stress with assignments, quizzes & tests...the feeling I never had before... My heart feels like crying... How only I can survive from that?
I need someone to talk but everyone seems to be very busy with their own work.

Dad called just now. I was trying to express my feelings to him, but it doesn't works at all.
I miss my friends a lot, hope to talk & share my feelings with them.
I know the circumstance will be worst if I never release my stress away...
I know Uni life is like that. We'll meet many challengers & the only way we need to challenge them is work harder. I tried very very hard 'coz i need to pay for the tuition fees.
I should not waste my time here on playing games or doing nothing.

Everytime I tell myself to be tough. I can do it as well as the others.
Dad is also trying to look for a job for me since I'm going to stop my study here to go for the international online course. The closing date for the job application will be on 31st of Feb.
So, no matter how busy I am, I'll need to fix some time for preparing my resume.

Dunno what to say, just may God bless me as well...

今天，Andy打来跟我聊了一下，其实是我要找他谈有关买车票回家的事，原以为迟放学可以跟 Nick 的车回家，但Andy 坚持说不要，那我呢？也唯有跟 Andy 咯...因为我答应了他啊。结果聊着聊着...他突然问起 Ken 的事情，他要知道我为何还喜欢 Ken 的原因，我不答他，因为没有原因。Andy 始终不敢相信，事情过了那么久我依然没有放弃过 Ken。他问我为什么那么傻，明知到不可能为何还要把他放在心里...我不懂，我只知道我还是很爱他，不是浅浅的，而是深深的，一年比一年更深。朋友都说我中了他的毒，唯一的解药就是...除非他对我狠狠的说出刺我的话，也许这样会让我恨他，然后慢慢忘记他...

但我知道，无论用什么方法也是无法让我忘记他，因为他在我心中已经占了很重要的位置。我知道我很傻，但要忘记一个你真正爱的人并不是那么容易。你需要一分钟认识一个人，一小时了解他，一天之内你可能爱上他，但要忘记他也许是要一个月、一年、甚至...又或许是一辈子都不可能忘记的。爱一个人不一定要占有他，不可能有结果并不代表我不能恋着他...只要我还能够关心他、了解他，那我已经很满足了... 不要问我为什么，我不会给任何的理由...

爱情没有所谓的对与错，只要认为是值得的，就不必去理会别人怎么说，只要自己觉得开心就好！

If you are not studying in MSU, i'm sure that the first thing you would like to know is... who's the Prof. Jay, am I right? he he... She is a lecturer who is teaching me English Language Awareness in this semester.
I always heard the students criticizing her that how crazy she is...how high the target she wants...bla bla bla...

Until the first time i saw her in the lecture, which many of us were late because of some misunderstanding of the venue for lecture..."Who told you that the venue for our class is at annexe 74 A? Can anyone tell me that?" she shouted. Actually I really don't know who she is, just know that she is the person who are going to teach us English, which we have already missed a lot of class in this semester.

But, after I have attended her lectures for a few times...I found that she is not as bad as they said la... She is a really good lecturer, who wants to lead her students to get flying colours in exams. She is a just a bit strict, maybe for the others are not the same la(she is crazy)...Different people different mind... Anyway, just ignore about it la...

I have never study English for already a long time, I think it might be a problem to follow up in a few seconds la...but I won't easily give up because of that. Everyone would like to aim a good results in English, including me. I still can remember that I really hate English when I was young (primary school until junior 3 if I'm not mistaken), until I met a new English teacher, my favourite., everything started to change.

Do you know how I start to love studying English? First, the person I would like to thanks is my dad. He is the one who always force me to read English press. At first I really hate it because the subject made me feel sleepy all the time. However, it has already become one of my habits nowadays. Secondly, the person who influence me to study English...is he! My lover (only some of them will know it). he he...Don't laugh la...Everyone will have a secret admirer...but I don't think that it is a secret anymore...because it has already become a past tense...but he is still the one I love the most. Yesterday, now, tomorrow...and forever...

Just because of that, I like English so much nowadays. Like to speak in English, chatting in English...even writing my journals is also the same. he he...It really sounds good, isn't it?
Well...no matter how weak I am until now, I'll never give up at once. I'll always remind myself with what "he" said: Don't ever give up easily in what you did. Success is only one step away."~

I never had a blog before...until yesterday, i felt bored n suddenly my blossom friend, who i knew since primary school suggested me to create one so that i can spend my time there...Yup! not bad. It's the right time for me to do so because I'm wasting my time in computer games sometimes while I'm lazying...he he... Don't laugh at me on that! It's normal for everyone doing that...Don't you?

I think it can be a good chance for me to improve myself in English by writing blogs. My English is not as well as the others, always get As in their English but just like what my English teacher in my secondary school said- Kindergarten English...I'm not lying, it's true!

Well...besides improving my English, i would also like to share my joys & tears with whoever i know. Yup, i like to share, just anything that i can give to them. I like to see people smiling all the time even though I'm a "cry bun" as what my friends mentioned before. Once i failed, i will cry. That's already become my normal act in my life.

Just trying to express my feelings that are making stress on me...

I'm just hoping that my life will be different with having my own blog...